Proof

J-Bird is not an outdoor kid. He very happy staying inside all day long, wasting the day away watching TV or playing games.

Plus the sun and him just don't get along. I could put the highest SPF sun block on him every 5 minutes and the poor kid will still burn.

When he does come outside it's causes major celebrations and checking to see if he's sick or if the world stood still. The sightings of him outside are so rare that many neighbors think he's a stranger.

Well, now I have proof that he does indeed come outside.

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I'm Really Not

I'm really not as snobby and bitchy as I sound in my last two posts..... ok maybe a little.

The whole kids screaming thing.... I get it they are just having fun but there is a fine line between screaming while having fun and screaming just to scream...... and those two kids crossed that line a long time ago. They both hit this pitch that I swear will break glass! And it just not for a few minutes, they scream the entire time they are outside and their parents just let them do it. Um, I'm all for letting kids be kids but could they at least have them not scream all the time?

The ball thing... I know it was an accident. Not like the kid did it on purpose. But they saw me sitting in the sunroom, one of them could of at least said they were sorry and offered to get the ball down for me. If they didn't have a ladder they could of used ours. Oldest Son M said he would get it down today after school. And being the nice person I am I will give the ball back..... I'm not one of those cranky neighbors that keeps all the balls, etc. that land in their yard.

Now the grill thing..... I am a snob about that one. I've seen and eaten way to much grilled food that was ruined because it was cooked all wrong. Even Sexy Stud knows who to call when he has a grilled food question. Just last week he was grilling pork chops and called me up to ask how long he should cook them. Maybe my neighbors like overcooked food and who am I to judge them on that, but I'm still going to enjoy the comic relief I get from watching them grill.

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Dry As A Bone

My biggest comic relief in the summer time has always been watching my neighbors grill. I thought my laughing days were over with, when the old neighbors moved out and new ones moved in, but I thought wrong.

First I present to you "Burger Smasher Man"

He places 3 burgers on his grill that were about as thin as White Castle burgers. Comes back about 6 minutes later, and proceeds to smash the heck out of them with the back of his spatula. Goes back inside and comes back about 6 minutes later , flips them over and smashes the heck out of them again. Back inside...... 6 minutes later flips them over again ...... smashes them again. He does this pattern of flipping and smashing 2 more times, for a total cooking time of roughly 30 minutes. Even if those thin as White Castle burgers were frozen when he put them on the grill, it would only take roughly 6 minutes to cook them. And for the love of all things juicy don't smash the heck out of them! Your smashing out what little juice they may of had in them in the first place.

Now I present " Dry As A Bone Man"

He places boneless, skinless chicken breasts & hotdogs on his grill. I know this because I heard the kids screaming about what was for dinner. He sits down , gets up about 2 minutes later and flips the chicken. Sits back down, back up, flips chicken, rolls hotdogs. He does this pattern of flipping chicken /roll hotdogs every two minutes for the next 40 minutes. First off buddy... hotdogs are already cooked, all your doing is warming them up on the grill, so they don't need to "cook" for 40 minutes. Next the reason why your chicken kept sticking to the grill is because you kept turning it to soon. Test it first and if it's sticking leave it alone...... it will release when it's ready to be turned. Learn this so I don't have to hear you bitching about it next time. Lastly..... for the love of all things juicy...... they were boneless, skinless chicken breasts...... they should of cook for 10 minutes tops.

And they say men are the "Kings of the Grill"....... lol

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Please Raise Your Big Toe......

Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose, even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather, I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99, even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise that if I wear flip flops, I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny!).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

All in favor, say Aye!

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